Listening Is?

“Listening is not a skill,” declares Jacob Coldwell in his provocative little book Listen Simply: How to Understand What People Are Saying (copyright 2022 by Jacob Coldwell). The subtitle tips his hand, exposing Coldwell’s hope for readers. If we are listening well, we understand the speaker, and Coldwell hopes for more understanding in conversations.

“What is listening then if it is not a skill?” he asks. And he answers,

“Simple listening is devoting attention to and connecting to the person you are listening to. It’s part observing, part hearing, part curiosity, and part comprehension” (37).

Coldwell doesn’t throw out listening skills. He puts them in their proper place, in the background, out of focus, because in a skills-first approach the skills get in the way of observing, hearing, curiosity, and comprehension.

“When you listen simply, you don’t have to try to focus on the speaker. You are focused on the speaker. When you listen simply, you don’t have to repeat back what the speaker says. Instead, a question or statement will come at the right time” (38).

When you are tempted to work on your “skills” without understanding what simple listening is, it ends up being hollow” (38). When the priority is good execution of skills, there is less attention and less connection. When there is less attention and less connection, the person-to-person nature of a conversation is twisted into a less impactful hierarchy, the counselor above the client. You may prefer that position, but your client’s benefit from time spent with you will be in jeopardy.

Remember,

“Simple listening is a decision to defer and allow someone else to occupy the time and space in a conversation. It isn’t about adding anything” (139).

Coldwell offers three phases of simple listening: preparation, submission, and refocus. Preparation is about preparing yourself for being available which usually requires setting aside your agenda. Submission is finding the mindset required to give your attention to another. “It is laying down your time and potential for the sake of another person” (142). Refocusing is recognizing during the conversation that you aren’t simple listening anymore and readjusting.

What’s the point?

There is great freedom available to you. There is freedom from trying to be excellent, freedom from following listening protocols, freedom from the pressure to say all the right things, and freedom from being responsible for the other person’s growth and healing.

Instead, there is freedom to be yourself, freedom to come along side and be with clients, freedom to follow the other’s inherent wisdom from the Spirit, and freedom to watch God work as you participate with him in caring for another image bearer.